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Who Cares? Vol. I, No. 2

by
Sean Holt

Ellen Degenerates

This week's big story...Ellen is gay! A lesbian! A hero of the alternative lifestyle movement! I say, who cares?! First of all, no one should be all that surprised...this has been coming for a while. Second, is this someone whom the gay community is going to hold up as a hero? Someone whose show is not even that funny anymore? Someone who has failed miserably at a film career? Apparently. The National Gay and Lesbian Alliance has already designated April 30, the day Ellen comes out, as "Ellen Day." I can see it now. The streets will be full of "Ellen Degenerates" who look like Ellen, act like Ellen, touting Ellen as a symbol of gay pride. How silly! Were she the least bit entertaining (did anyone see her host the Grammy Awards?) or funny, or significant at all in the entertainment industry, they might be able to pull it off. But Ellen? Who cares? And even if she were a significant entertainment figure, who cares anyway?

I have a great idea. Why not declare "Wilt the Stilt" day and name Wilt Chamberlain as the hero of the heterosexual male? Certainly no one has topped his 20,000 female conquests. He is the perfect representative of the heterosexual male.....not! But let's not forget the ladies...who should represent the heterosexual female.....I know, Heidi Fleiss! No one seems to like men more than she. The heterosexual female population would be glad to have Ms. Fleiss as their ambassador I'm sure....not!

I have not been able to figure out yet why the gay and lesbian interest groups find it helpful to their cause by "outing" famous people. One of the most annoying experiences I have had is when I went to see the incredibly talented singer/songwriter Sarah McLachlan at Lisner Auditorium in Washington, D.C., a few years ago. Every time Sarah would start talking about friendship or women or sisterhood, all the lesbians in the audience would become orgasmic and start giggling and moaning at the idea that Sarah was about to out herself........she never did, and to my knowledge she has never declared her sexual preference. Apparently she is not having trouble selling herself as a legitimate entertainer.

The fact is, most Americans could care less about the sexual antics of our stars. It seems to me that most of us, especially me, would rather not know. As for Ellen, I actually used to think her show was funny - for about the first year. And it never occurred to me when I used to watch it to ask what her sexual preference is...it just did not matter! Now I'm left wondering if her show has gone so far downhill that Ellen has decided to sacrifice her privacy to improve ratings. Her character's sexual outing is not going to make me watch her show on April 30, unless there is nothing better to watch. Until next time....

39 Dead, Zero Wounded | Ellen Degenerates | Death and Taxes | The "Drill" Instructor | Newt on the Dole

Please send all comments regarding Who Cares? to sean-holt@usa.net.


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